Hello Community,

before I tell you about my (6 hours of orientation from Hell) with (Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit Renteria), let me first say; :() " Mr. Renteria?, It 'finally' hit home with me (why you Brutally Dogged Me Out in Orientation yesterday). A couple of times, I thought to myself, :() "Man, if this dude says one too many more times, (Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit!, Your a Con!, we ->going outside!". smile.

So, Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit Renteria? Man, I am (soooooooo SORRY) for harboring 'Negative Thoughts' about (YOU) yesterday, and all this morning. I dont know what you put in my head for 6 hours, but your words (Hit me while flying my Heli a few hours ago, :() by the way, you owe me a Gryro! it was your fault I couldn't concentrate and crashed my Heli! smile. And 'sorry' for your (NEW ALIAS), :) like i said, I didn't much like you after the first time you called me a (Con), so that's why I gave you a 'alias' I'll always remember! Thank You, smile.

Community, let me finish telling you about my (6 hours of Orientation with, Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit-Renteia).

Yesterday was my first 'Orientation' to become a (Learner) with Mr. Renteria. (Man!, if i could have been forewarned? This 'news' wouldn't be posting today). Before the orientation started, Mr. Renteria asked to see my (DD214), :() Man, I was so nervous? I gave him a 'copy?', of my (Parole Discharge Papers!). But after a laugh, two, or three I handed Mr. Renteria my 'DD214'. [ Be forewarned! your DD214 is the 'Key' to Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit-Renteria's attack towards you!].smile.

So, Mr. Renteria looks at my (DD214), throws it on the table and says; "You dont even qualify for my 'Program", the first guideline is that you have to have 180 days consecutive service, you only have 104 days". So I shot back at him, "The Title 38 U.S.C says; Anyone who serves (90 days consecutive, during a 'Wartime Period', qualifies for benefits".

Immediately, the (positive and negative, electro- I have an 'idea!', lightbulb came on in Mr. Renteria's head), he laughed and said; "Man! this is a first! but your right legally by Law, but veterans dont see it that way, (meaning making the Rights Of Passage) which occurs after your 6 months of training.

So Mr Renteria tells me to; " Go to the board and draw a 'Time Line' from 1975, when I was discharged from the military, up to 2011, and to "List" all of my 'incarcerations'. After I completed the (Time Line), he asked me; "Why did you choose to take this path unstead of (re-enlisting?). :() WHAT!! who da? what da! I COULD OF RE-ENLISTED? Then he told me to (read my DD214) and began asking me about (Codes on my Discharge papers). (Honestly Community, read your DD214's, and Google the (Numbers/Letters,etc.) and put them in (  ) to shorten the results and watch! I could of (re-enlisted! instead of spending my pass 25 years in and out of PRISONS!).

So, he asked to see my (VA Healhtcare card) which I gave him, [Be forewarned! Your DD214, and VA Health card?}, can, and/or may? cause Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit-Renteria, to (unlease an Armory of Verbel insults at you! laugh). Mr. Renteria said to me after reviewing my (DD214 & VA Health card), he said; " You know what Smith? YOUR A CON!!! Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit about (How your LIFE went to shit after you left the military, dont blame the military for (You), Not Reading What You Signed!!".

[Note to Community, this happened all in the first 20 minutes of Orientation, the following 5 plus hours will be in the form of a (Heated Debate).

So, the following hours were spent, Teaching me the Learner's Guidelines, arguing my point on a earlier subject, more teaching, more arguing, me finally  understanding Mr. Renteria's (mode of operandi), but yet (Un-willing to except full responsibility for my pass actions).

 Mr. Renteria argued (Pro-Military), using himself as the example, (he's right, it was my responsibility to (read) my discharge papers, then I would have (changed the coarse of my life to who knows what?).

However, I am still!, a defender of the {Con-Military}. While Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit "smashed" every (Heartfelt questions I had about the (Why did the military?), Mr. Renteria would say; "Stop conning yourself".

Community, Please Help Me!,

For over 25 years, I have fought the (Military "Why's" Demons). No, I can't provide statistics for my following heartfelt belief's, and while I may/may not be on the right track with my argument's against what I believe,my (heart) tells me to (get the answers to your 'Why's'), so (Community), Please be (Brutally Honest) if need be, let me know, if my thoughts are selfish, crazy, whatever.

My heart has never lead me wrong, so Im going to ask my (New Community) the following (Questions), if you dont mind. And Please remember, your honesty will help me to ease these thoughts in my mind.

My heart tells me to ask;

[1] Am I the only one who see's, that a (innocent young man, or woman goes off to the military proud, and returns home (someone we dont even know?).

[2] Why did you (Uncle Sam), take my Family, Friends, Religion, Country and Beliefs from me?, to claim (Yourself), my (New) God, Mother, Father, Friend, Sister, Brother, Confident. I 'swore' my 'Life to you and my country'. And what did I get in return? Upon discharge you never informed me of my (Right's or Benefits), but you put me back into a society I am unfamiliar with. So now Im on my own, no direction or help, everybody always pointing you to different Veterans Agencies all with the same results, no one informs you of anything, they throw books to you, 100 page files, and tell you to start there. Why do I have to (fight you) Uncle Sam, to get you to give me what I deserve.

[3] Why isn't (Health Benefits) (automatically) given to all 'veterans', when so many return, either fucked up, or alcoholics?

[4] Why didn't you (Recondition, Re-structure, Brainwash, Inform me), that once I discharged from the military, I was no longer a ( Mean Badass and above the Laws of our country?). Instead, you allowed me to discharge without so much as a; "Things are different out there son, or whatever", you said NOTHING! You released 'back into society, a (WELL CONDITIONED SOLDIER YOU CREATED IN ONLY 12 WEEKS!). So I return home to my , (Wife, Kids, Family & Friends), (Things are to kicked back for me in my household, so being the image of my (Teacher's), I commence to (unknowingly) destroying everything and everyone around me. "Bitch clean that shit up, have the kids GI their rooms daily, beds tight". I am now the (NEW DRILL SERGEANT) of my domain, thats how I was taught, my family and kids will follow what I say! How was I to know, that the (Re-Conditioning) I received in the Military, (was for WAR ONLY!!)

[5] Why isn't help readily available to veteran's and their families? why are we treated like we're asking for welfare? Why is everyone pretending these (problems don't exist?), why are you quick to 'diagnose me with PTSD, instead for attacking the (Real Cause of my Problems?)....[NOTE:] My 'Goals' are to 'Campainge for MANDATORY 6 months Re-entry Facilities for all veterans Discharging]. It is my belief that, a veteran MUST BE (Re-Conditioned) back to society's living standards and laws, before returning back into society. That returning soldier's mind has been (re-conditioned) for the purposes of, war, following order's, and dying for his or her country, that's it,,that's all thats up in our brains when we return home to our families.Thats why the , domestic violence, it's apart of my training, I was taught that, they did it to me to get my attention, I can do the same to my family. (WE MUST BE "DE-BRIEFED/RE-CONDITIONED".

[6] Why did you give me (benefits) that you know I was unable to obtain?

[7] Why do you allow your (Representative's) handling my VA Claim to treat me like shitand withhold my benefits for years without cause?

Community, these are just a (small few of the "why's" I feel I need answers to before I can go on with my life without casting unjust blames towards the military.

Am I the 'only' one thinking like this? Trying to find blame in someone else for my actions? My heart tells me Im on point, and that these "Why's" are being asked everyday throughout our communities.

:( I dont know anymore, Albert is 100% right, Im responsible for all my actions.

:() But how can I, except full responsibilty for my destructive lifestyle, when the last thing I was (Conditioned) to do was Fight in a War?  I was (released) without every knowing any other way.

I believe over 40% percent of the veteran community and their family members have at one time asked; "Why, What happened to him in there? Why aren't they helping him, Why did you return to my family and love ones a (killing machine programmed for war, and not LOVE?).

Well,  I'll close now, and hope I have managed to hold the curiousity of some veteran families who have asked themselves these very same questions.

I apologize to any I may have offended, but that was not my intent, for I am only trying to Heal from 25 years of destruction I didnt think I was capable of, but I did, Im responsible. I wont quit asking the "why's" though.

Darryl Smith

 

Darryl Smith wrote:

Albert Renteria wrote:

Darryl, you are on point with your new journey, seeking answers and sharing your past with us.

I am always within reach 24/7! You are not on this journey alone! Your knowledge was harvested during your orientation and you taught me more then you will ever imagine!

We will walk alongside you in cadence! I look forward to learning more about the answers to your why's!

Semper Fi, Albert R. Renteria,

Thank You Mr. Renteria! But trust me when I say, If you made me 'Get it?', then anyone can 'Get it', smile

Albert Renteria wrote:

Darryl, navigating will be essential for this new landscape you are about to forge ahead, and harvesting your knowledge will be critical.

Everything you need to know is within reach, it is just a matter of interpreting what you really need and want. Semper Fi, Al

:() Your right Albert, I need to become more familiar with the computer, and the (How to's), will work on that. Thanks

Darryl Smith wrote:

Hello Community,

before I tell you about my (6 hours of orientation from Hell) with (Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit Renteria), let me first say; :() " Mr. Renteria?, It 'finally' hit home with me (why you Brutally Dogged Me Out in Orientation yesterday). A couple of times, I thought to myself, :() "Man, if this dude says one too many more times, (Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit!, Your a Con!, we ->going outside!". smile.

So, Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit Renteria? Man, I am (soooooooo SORRY) for harboring 'Negative Thoughts' about (YOU) yesterday, and all this morning. I dont know what you put in my head for 6 hours, but your words (Hit me while flying my Heli a few hours ago, :() by the way, you owe me a Gryro! it was your fault I couldn't concentrate and crashed my Heli! smile. And 'sorry' for your (NEW ALIAS), :) like i said, I didn't much like you after the first time you called me a (Con), so that's why I gave you a 'alias' I'll always remember! Thank You, smile.

Community, let me finish telling you about my (6 hours of Orientation with, Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit-Renteia).

Yesterday was my first 'Orientation' to become a (Learner) with Mr. Renteria. (Man!, if i could have been forewarned? This 'news' wouldn't be posting today). Before the orientation started, Mr. Renteria asked to see my (DD214), :() Man, I was so nervous? I gave him a 'copy?', of my (Parole Discharge Papers!). But after a laugh, two, or three I handed Mr. Renteria my 'DD214'. [ Be forewarned! your DD214 is the 'Key' to Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit-Renteria's attack towards you!].smile.

So, Mr. Renteria looks at my (DD214), throws it on the table and says; "You dont even qualify for my 'Program", the first guideline is that you have to have 180 days consecutive service, you only have 104 days". So I shot back at him, "The Title 38 U.S.C says; Anyone who serves (90 days consecutive, during a 'Wartime Period', qualifies for benefits".

Immediately, the (positive and negative, electro- I have an 'idea!', lightbulb came on in Mr. Renteria's head), he laughed and said; "Man! this is a first! but your right legally by Law, but veterans dont see it that way, (meaning making the Rights Of Passage) which occurs after your 6 months of training.

So Mr Renteria tells me to; " Go to the board and draw a 'Time Line' from 1975, when I was discharged from the military, up to 2011, and to "List" all of my 'incarcerations'. After I completed the (Time Line), he asked me; "Why did you choose to take this path unstead of (re-enlisting?). :() WHAT!! who da? what da! I COULD OF RE-ENLISTED? Then he told me to (read my DD214) and began asking me about (Codes on my Discharge papers). (Honestly Community, read your DD214's, and Google the (Numbers/Letters,etc.) and put them in (  ) to shorten the results and watch! I could of (re-enlisted! instead of spending my pass 25 years in and out of PRISONS!).

So, he asked to see my (VA Healhtcare card) which I gave him, [Be forewarned! Your DD214, and VA Health card?}, can, and/or may? cause Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit-Renteria, to (unlease an Armory of Verbel insults at you! laugh). Mr. Renteria said to me after reviewing my (DD214 & VA Health card), he said; " You know what Smith? YOUR A CON!!! Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit about (How your LIFE went to shit after you left the military, dont blame the military for (You), Not Reading What You Signed!!".

[Note to Community, this happened all in the first 20 minutes of Orientation, the following 5 plus hours will be in the form of a (Heated Debate).

So, the following hours were spent, Teaching me the Learner's Guidelines, arguing my point on a earlier subject, more teaching, more arguing, me finally  understanding Mr. Renteria's (mode of operandi), but yet (Un-willing to except full responsibility for my pass actions).

 Mr. Renteria argued (Pro-Military), using himself as the example, (he's right, it was my responsibility to (read) my discharge papers, then I would have (changed the coarse of my life to who knows what?).

However, I am still!, a defender of the {Con-Military}. While Mr. Albert-Dont-Give-Me-That-Shit "smashed" every (Heartfelt questions I had about the (Why did the military?), Mr. Renteria would say; "Stop conning yourself".

Community, Please Help Me!,

For over 25 years, I have fought the (Military "Why's" Demons). No, I can't provide statistics for my following heartfelt belief's, and while I may/may not be on the right track with my argument's against what I believe,my (heart) tells me to (get the answers to your 'Why's'), so (Community), Please be (Brutally Honest) if need be, let me know, if my thoughts are selfish, crazy, whatever.

My heart has never lead me wrong, so Im going to ask my (New Community) the following (Questions), if you dont mind. And Please remember, your honesty will help me to ease these thoughts in my mind.

My heart tells me to ask;

[1] Am I the only one who see's, that a (innocent young man, or woman goes off to the military proud, and returns home (someone we dont even know?).

[2] Why did you (Uncle Sam), take my Family, Friends, Religion, Country and Beliefs from me?, to claim (Yourself), my (New) God, Mother, Father, Friend, Sister, Brother, Confident. I 'swore' my 'Life to you and my country'. And what did I get in return? Upon discharge you never informed me of my (Right's or Benefits), but you put me back into a society I am unfamiliar with. So now Im on my own, no direction or help, everybody always pointing you to different Veterans Agencies all with the same results, no one informs you of anything, they throw books to you, 100 page files, and tell you to start there. Why do I have to (fight you) Uncle Sam, to get you to give me what I deserve.

[3] Why isn't (Health Benefits) (automatically) given to all 'veterans', when so many return, either fucked up, or alcoholics?

[4] Why didn't you (Recondition, Re-structure, Brainwash, Inform me), that once I discharged from the military, I was no longer a ( Mean Badass and above the Laws of our country?). Instead, you allowed me to discharge without so much as a; "Things are different out there son, or whatever", you said NOTHING! You released 'back into society, a (WELL CONDITIONED SOLDIER YOU CREATED IN ONLY 12 WEEKS!). So I return home to my , (Wife, Kids, Family & Friends), (Things are to kicked back for me in my household, so being the image of my (Teacher's), I commence to (unknowingly) destroying everything and everyone around me. "Bitch clean that shit up, have the kids GI their rooms daily, beds tight". I am now the (NEW DRILL SERGEANT) of my domain, thats how I was taught, my family and kids will follow what I say! How was I to know, that the (Re-Conditioning) I received in the Military, (was for WAR ONLY!!)

[5] Why isn't help readily available to veteran's and their families? why are we treated like we're asking for welfare? Why is everyone pretending these (problems don't exist?), why are you quick to 'diagnose me with PTSD, instead for attacking the (Real Cause of my Problems?)....[NOTE:] My 'Goals' are to 'Campainge for MANDATORY 6 months Re-entry Facilities for all veterans Discharging]. It is my belief that, a veteran MUST BE (Re-Conditioned) back to society's living standards and laws, before returning back into society. That returning soldier's mind has been (re-conditioned) for the purposes of, war, following order's, and dying for his or her country, that's it,,that's all thats up in our brains when we return home to our families.Thats why the , domestic violence, it's apart of my training, I was taught that, they did it to me to get my attention, I can do the same to my family. (WE MUST BE "DE-BRIEFED/RE-CONDITIONED".

[6] Why did you give me (benefits) that you know I was unable to obtain?

[7] Why do you allow your (Representative's) handling my VA Claim to treat me like shitand withhold my benefits for years without cause?

Community, these are just a (small few of the "why's" I feel I need answers to before I can go on with my life without casting unjust blames towards the military.

Am I the 'only' one thinking like this? Trying to find blame in someone else for my actions? My heart tells me Im on point, and that these "Why's" are being asked everyday throughout our communities.

:( I dont know anymore, Albert is 100% right, Im responsible for all my actions.

:() But how can I, except full responsibilty for my destructive lifestyle, when the last thing I was (Conditioned) to do was Fight in a War?  I was (released) without every knowing any other way.

I believe over 40% percent of the veteran community and their family members have at one time asked; "Why, What happened to him in there? Why aren't they helping him, Why did you return to my family and love ones a (killing machine programmed for war, and not LOVE?).

Well,  I'll close now, and hope I have managed to hold the curiousity of some veteran families who have asked themselves these very same questions.

I apologize to any I may have offended, but that was not my intent, for I am only trying to Heal from 25 years of destruction I didnt think I was capable of, but I did, Im responsible. I wont quit asking the "why's" though.

Darryl Smith

 

Hello Carol, and Thank You for your reply, :) I really look forward to meeting--> Ms Carol-dont-give-me-that-shyt, :() I thought their was only 1 of them! Albert) !

If you dont mind me asking? Carole I've always (listened) to my Heart, and after spending 'numerous' years with veterans like myself, and meeting their families, (You dont think it has any ill effects upon a 'Soldier' who 'Discharges' from the Military in his/her's present (Military MindSet?).........Here's how Im seeing it,

[1] When a person (enters the Military), he/she 'enters' with 'Family values, morals, and everything they learned since birth. [ Now, the Military has to bring all these (enlistee's) to (One Mind Set) for that 'unit to be effective and operate as one', <this all has to be done in a 12/16 weeks period>. ( Mind you, their taking individuals who have at the very lease-18 years of their 'own beliefs', instillled in them). So, the Military uses the 'same tactics' to'Mentally break down that person, i.e., "Verbal Ause, Assualt, Disrespect, etc." [We were taught growing up that 'verbally abusing, or assualting someone is illegal, and causes insecurities in that person possibly later on in life]. How often have you heard someone say; " Why does She/He stay in that Abusive Relationship, why dont you leave?, and their answer is ALWAYS the same- I was afraid of him/her]. Now Im far from (casting Blame on the Military), Im saying their tactics, which I understand the reason's, are (illegal) and 'can cause in some individuals' future problems in life. We take the abuse from our instructors simply because you belong to Uncle Sam, you cant walk away-Plus, the peer pressure of your peers, so we endure the punishments dished out.

[2] Most people entering the Military are of the age whereby, they haven't even had the 'opportunity' to be 'Adults', i.e., pay morgages, raise a family of their own, or be the supporter in their families....[ So if you spend 4 years in the Military between the ages of 18 to 21, when you return back home after Discharge-"You still dont have these basic life skills to come back into society and expect you got it figured out. Living in todays society the way the 'Market' is right now? What are his/her's chances of coming out and getting employed?....Remember now, he/she just spent 4 years with their 'new buddies' in the Military, and what did that consist of? Reporting to your 'Duty Station' (with these new friends), and after work, (it's Party Time!). So thats 4 years of PARTYING with your fellow soldiers-(like one big college frat party)...So, I dont see-how any person can exspect to 'Discharge' still in a (ready for war mental state), and function 'normally' in society without plenty of 'support'. And we know, that upon 'Discharge', the Military hands you your exit papers and DD214 and -> Your no longer their problem. I've been asking vets at MRB if they knew what was really on there DD214, (like Albert asked me), nobody knew...You fight for your country, and your country 'hides Vital Information from you' upon your 'Discharge'. So what happens? the soldier returns home, finds it impossible to obtain'employment-(remember we're told that once discharged, most employers would 'welcome us with open arms for serving our country', and this unfortunately is so not the case in most instances, employers want 'skilled individuals, a recent 'work history', etc.

So the 'Only Next Best Thing To Do Is', kick back like you did after work in the military and have a few beers', then the family complains because they cant afford your drinking habits and you still haven't found yourself a 'job', so you (hit the streets in search of drinking buddies) because thats really all he/she known for the pass several years. Thats enough to cause-> (PTSD) because here you are-living off others and unable to contribute...But had the Military informed you upon discharge whats available to you, then your 'chances' of becoming (post stressed) would be far lower. So now (we) think (Uncle Sam) screwed us over, kicked us out to fend for ourselves because we Dont know where to turn.

[3] I done alot of studying on (re-conditioning a human), and its really not that hard if you use, degrading tactics, verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc. [ its like 'taking a wild animal thats injured home,you feed and nurse it back to health, but now that 'wild animal' cant be returned to the 'wild, simply because 'its'now (Conditions) to expect its meals from you-> ,.and like a (Conditioned Soldier), he too expects (Uncle Sam) to 'Take care of him, and when that dont happen, that soldier enters back into society as (prey) ready to be picked apart.

One last thing, I've asked alot of family members, " Did you like your Son/Daughter better "Before? or After they returned from the Military", a small hand full said (After), so even though I may have asked only a 'few thousand vets', the overall results were unanimous-(their kids were better befor they enlisted). smile

And Carol, Im not casting blame for my 'actions?', smile, Im just saying "we as citizens need to look into the 'possibility' of 'better informing our discharging Soldiers of (what there going to face in the civilian world). Military life and Civilian life, are 'direct opposites' to each other, whats allowed in the Military most likely is 'Disallowed' in the States. When I was watching the 'News' whilein the military, I saw what was going on in the States, but it didnt concern me because I belonged to Uncle Sam.

I would (LOVE) to sit with you and chat (anytime) Carol, Im Always open to new suggestions and learning. Your Time, is my Time! Thank You, and Please-dont give up on me as a (blame caster!). smile

Darryl,..PS >) Just thought of something, Albert had to bring to my attention-what was really on my DD214, so why cant the military? Food for thought for Albert and You! :) Since Im fighting (Pro-Military) with you too. Smile

 

I read the blogs this morning and they touched my heart as a grassroots community volunteer for SWVBRC. I am the community that serves veterans and I must say that it is an honorable mission. I am sorry Darryl you have had such a hard life. I had the opportunity to join the military following in my father and my sisters footsteps, however I knew that I am such a free thinker that I would not be able to be broken so easily. I knew my entire career in the military would be spent in the brig. I have always been an advocate of fairness and that is not a good trait to have in the military or really of this free world. Life itself is not fair and I have learned through the years that regardless of the situation you or the others who you love and love you are in, does not matter in the big picture of events. The sun still comes up every morning and goes down every night. The bills come in like clockwork, even in death. People will judge you for your works and not what is in your heart. I am so glad for the I don’t give a shits in this life because they have made me stand up and take a look at my own timeline on the white board of life. I am thankful for the dishonest folks in my life because they have taught me to beware and guard what is precious to me. I am so thankful for the negative folks out there because it gives me a chance to reflect the positives. It sounds like you are on a great path and journey and are enjoying that path. Eckhart Tolle says that" if you are not in a state of acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm, look very closely and you will find that you are creating suffering for yourself and others". You have a great gift to give to other veterans and really all youth and your knowledge and experiences of doing life the hard way is really invaluable and a wealth of knowledge for most people won’t experience it until it is too late. Then they will learn the hard way. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that,"Nothing great has ever been achieved without enthusiasm". Enthusiasm and Ego cannot coexist. I agree with I don’t give a shit Mr. Renteria. Pride Ignorance and Ego the PIE factor keeps us all from moving on.

Thank you for your service to our great country and thank you for your insite and comments.

Debra Thelen